This Be The Verse

I spent my time making cookies with my grammie and sisters and Christmas shopping. I'm tired.
I got a haircut the other day, and my skin is clear. Classes are nearly done (puhleaseeee hurryyyyyy!).
I received the best love letter of my life in the mail the other day, from my penpal. Slowly giving in to the idea.

Spring MCC should be more enjoyable:
Human Body
Stats
Printmaking

I should be finishing up my 3000 word paper for my joke of a class, however I am not feeling so inclined.

Ever since leaving school I've been feeling like I'm stuck in this wishy-washy limboland. I feel like something left in a liquid for a very long time, so that my borders (my definitions) have disintegrated and now I'm just some white, soggy mush. Pulp.

Imposing my weeping and misfortunes on this stupid boy who thinks he loves me sounds more appealing every day. (I'm talking about physical baggage, not metaphorical.) But I think I'll settle for a visit from the one person with whom I've bonded, which is about due.

Ah, yes. Pretty soon we'll be alone smashing grape bottles in the GT Bray parking lot.

MCC is just ok. I take night classes Mondays and Thursdays. They aren't challenging enough.
Still unemployed. No one seems to want to hire within bicycling distance.

My penpal still thinks that he loves me. I try to push him away because I am unhappy with everything in my life.
My family is still crazy. Today my mother kicked me out. Again. It's like the second or third time. She always drives around later and finds me and picks me up off the street. I won't be too surprised when she stops looking for me after she kicks me out.

I have no phone anymore. I haven't for a while, actually.

I'm rereading the His Dark Materials trilogy. It's as good as it was when I was a kid.

I've been consumed with my uncle's funeral since school let out, basically. I left for Michigan with my grandmother the Monday after I finished my Archaeology final. The service was Friday. I'm now in a motel in buttfuck, Alabama. I should be home and resigned to my internet-less fate by late tomorrow.

My penpal calls each day. I never have anything to report ("I was in the car all day. Mhm. We went through Kentucky. Yeah. And I played pokemon. Yeah, that's it.") Presumably still lovestruck.

Josh and I should catch up on Ugly Betty within the week, I imagine. And perhaps we'll stop by MSA. ( "we." we. It's funny. I'm going to miss him next year.)

I lost an entire box of stuff moving back, and my journal on this trip. I never want to travel again.

Oh, and Mom is no longer homeless. It's a plus.
 

I've been really bitchy and unhappy lately.
School is over in two weeks, and I'm never coming back (lol, totally eliminating the Anthropology department).

Going Home/Never Coming Back

PROS:
-Never having to deal with my cunt roommate EVER AGAIN.
-Closer to my mommy (stfu)
-Learning to drive
-Having an Anthropology department
-No more cold-as-balls-walking-to-Latin-which-I-hate mornings
-No more crazy long obnoxious car rides to Tally
-No more football

CONS:
-No Josh
-No more volunteering at the LGBTQ Student Resource Center
-Have to make new friends
-Transfer bullshitttt
-Maybe not having regular internet access for...oh, you know, a year.
 

I had to send him off today, and I felt like such a nervous mother. He got a bit choked up beforehand, which surprised me.
And it will be strange to sleep alone tonight.
 

I totally could've had a lesbian threesome last night.
Just saying.

(No, I'm not joking.)
 

On Valentine's Day my penpal talked to me about the brevity of life and disenchantment that comes with growing up and I ended up sobbing into the early hours of the morning. The next day I felt super lousy, but ended up going for a walk. It was rainy and grey, but I managed to find this slip of cement that had an overhang and was relatively removed from which to read. (Midnight's Children. Chapter 4)

I ended up being distracted by the hundred or so tiny birds that tweeted and swooped together. A funny thing about these birds is that they always flew in pairs at least (and more often in large groups), and never alone. Recently my mother has taken to calling me "little bird."
It was a relatively cool day, and in an hour or so I felt better about life and hungry. Walking to get food I ran into Josh unexpectedly for the second time in two days. We laughed. We ate together. We went our separate ways.

Today I didn't have math recitation, but I did have a computer fluency exam, at which I think I did a decent job, but which was still a huge pain in the ass. And I did have my volunteer shift at the LGBT resource center (oh, yeah. Now, my social group=all the gays on campus. I'm the ultimate fag hag). I bought some Thin Mints, too. And looked at the rocks and fossils being sold outside the geology department.
This afternoon we had a French reunion dinner. It was lovely. A few of us went over early to cook. It was nice to see the girls and drink wine and pretend that we remembered French. I'm just getting home now.
 

Going home, I texted Josh to see if he wanted coffee. I can't text and walk at the same time very well, so both of those things I did slowly, and as a consequence I missed the crosswalk. And then, this guy that I only knew was in my Japanese Film class (the one we just left) because he had spoken during the discussion came up behind me and was like, "Do you have Archaeology at 12:30?"
"Um, yeah." (The crosswalk changed, we walked together) "Are you enjoying the class?"
"Not especially."
"No?!"
(Boring stuff about the professor and course text that you guys don't care about.)
(Me agreeing)
"But, you know. I'm still really passionate about Archaeology and everything."
"Me too." (stupid, excited grin. Everyone else I talk to thinks that it's a boring topic)
"So, what's your major?"
Blah blah blahhhh I'll recap all this later when I gush about how he seems ideal at the end of my post, but for now, fastforward to the endish:
I started to ask, "What's-"
"I'm Matt."
I smile and do that expulsion of air that were it stronger would be a laugh. "I was just about to ask. Matt. I'm Ashley."
And then I had to go because I was meeting Josh for coffee.

But, he's actually pretty attractive. Freshman. Lives in Landis (this means two things: we're right next to each other and he is an honors student). History major with a minor (possibly double major) in Japanese or Eastern Studies or something. Approached me first? I would not have recognized him from either class if he hadn't just spoken in Film. And then we seemed to click once we started talking. There were no weird lulls. We didn't disagree on any points. It was like the end of Sure Thing or something.

I am cautiously happy about this.
 

There had been a bit of confusion as to the party at Jaryd's, however he had in fact called to make sure that I was coming. I had shaved my legs, plucked my eyebrows, and put on a velvet dress, a string of pearls, and false eyelashes. Josh had tangoed with his mother in order to drive me/babysit me. The night was still young when we arrived (shortly after 10), but we were shooed out in 15 minutes time, anyway. Boys' Night. Different parties.
Josh and I were clearly uninvited to everything, so we spent our night at GT Bray. We passed a fancy bottle of sparkling grape juice back and forth. I took delight in teasing him with "You're kissing me by proxy right now. Oh my god, kissing me by proxyyyyy" and watching his face crinkle in disgust. When we reached the bottom I encouraged him to smash the bottle in the parking lot. We swung on the swingset and complained about everyone. We went through our phone contacts and realized we had no friends here.
And then we went home around 1:30.